Spectral Observations

Dear Mary June 22, 2009

Normally, it is an extraordinary day when Wimbledon, The Championships begins. A day I have marked on my calendar. It is the tournament every tennis enthusiast yearns for. It is the tournament where the environment is unmatched by any other Slam, much less tournament. It is the tournament with the most legacy, prestige, and gamesmanship. A true testament to the meaning of “The Championships”. However, this Grand Slam (along with the others) is now tainted to me. It started as a small pebble rolling down a snow covered mountain, but has accumulated into a catastrophic ball of filth, horse shit, and disrespect. Dear Mary, you have effectively ruined 4 of my happiest times of the year. Grand Slams.

As a blogger, I am freely open to state my opinion(s) on issues that I feel are relatively important enough to digitally codify. In this case, I will exercise my concern for the brutality of professional tennis as we know it. The commentating of Mary Carillo is hurting the tennis world. As a tennis enthusiast, I am absolutely repulsed at how she has continued to effectively chip away at my love for professional tennis. At first, I just started to mute the TV and continue watching the matches. Eventually, though, you realize it’s just not the same to not hear the crack of the ball, the sound of the crowd, and the grunts of the competitors. All of these are essential to the professional match experience! The emotions run high, and the tension can be shared by experiencing these typical sounds of a match. I’ll tell you what I can do without, though. Mary Carillo. The world would honestly be a better place without her on the air waves. Andre Agassi, Maria Sharapova, and the William’s Sisters agree. All of them refuse contact and interaction with Carillo.

Many of us are familiar with Mary’s style of commentating. When she’s not stirring up ridiculous theories on unrelated matters, she can be heard with her John Madden esque approach to the game. It’s often mind numbing. Knowing Carillo was a former professional herself, I used to figure she knew what she was saying and that as an amateur of sorts, I should listen and learn. Sweet sassy molassy, I don’t think I could have been further off. Have you heard this woman talk? I can’t decide if I’m watching an NTRP 2.0 grand prix finals match or a legitimate, professional match. Yes, Mary, if you are reading, you are THAT bad. In fact, it’s become relatively clear why you were never able to do anything noteworthy as a player in the sport, and as such, obviously feel compelled to leave your mark on the game as a bitter commentator. Apparently, you have forgotten what it’s like to be in the heat of a rally, game, set, match, and tournament. You wait for an error by one of the players to open the flood gates on the million things they could have done differently to “win” the point. Honestly Mary, it’s like when John Madden says the Cowboys should have went with the half-back sweep AFTER getting stuffed in the middle on 3rd and 1. Obvious, and stupid.

Yes, Mary, on top of your general stupidity, you are bitter, and it’s obvious to viewers. It’s sad that you had knee problems that essentially put an end to your run as a professional tennis player. Honestly, it is sad. Try and think about that moment when you cast your judgments on current professionals facing injuries, suggesting faking and the likes. Yes, the viewers are watching when Jankovic or Djokovic takes a break for a “cramp”, and whatever else. You don’t need to comment on how obvious it seems to you. You’re not the one playing in the 100+ degree heat against current professionals in the top 10. Bitch, please……You were never ranked higher than 33 in your three year career, and your highlight is winning a mixed doubles draw with JOHN MCENROE as your partner. You’re lucky you grew up with John, Mary, or you wouldn’t even have that claim to fame. Alona Bondarenko. Wait, what? Oh, that’s the current number 33 on the WTA. Enough said.

“I just wish players looked over the body of work, rather than one or two comments,” Carillo said. She continued with, “My job is to take the information I have and back it up with opinions. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Criticism from players and coaches is just part of the business.” Well, she certainly had an opinion when Monica Seles was tragically stabbed in 1993, effectively ending her career as a professional tennis player for the next two years. Fact of the matter was, Monica was never the same on the court after this tragedy. The terror was too much for her, and after mustering up one last Grand Slam singles title, she retired. Carillo, though, had a different take on the situation. “Monica’s going to milk this sucker dry. Tennis is just a stepping-stone. Her real goal is being a star.” Apparently winning nine Grand Slam singles titles wasn’t enough for Monica to reach stardom, so she was forced to milk getting knifed in the back with a 10” blade for every piece of fame it was worth!

Let’s rewind to the US Open in 2007. In reference to Shahar Pe’er (Israel) winning her match, Mary Carillo was quoted saying, “The Jew won today.” Though she would correct herself later in the commentary, the damage had been done. When Don Imus called a bunch of Rutgers female hoopsters “nappy headed hos”, it didn’t matter how much he apologized. Why is Carillo still announcing for ESPN/NBC? My only train of logical thought is that tennis, obviously, doesn’t generate the viewing of other sports. It’s sad that many of you are probably unaware of these examples I’m pointing out. If Jeff Van Gundy(NBA analyst) had said anything like this, he would be gone with no questions asked. I would read/see it on the net, on PTI, and Sportscenter. Not just for a day, either, but for weeks upon weeks.

What exactly was the breaking point for me with you, Mary? Your disregard for manners and blatant display of disrespect to Roger Federer this morning was my melting point. Rather than focusing on how Roger could cement history with his 15th Grand Slam win at the same site he netted his first, you started right off with the crying at the end of last year’s finals, commonly referred to as the greatest match of all time by commentators who know a thing or two about the sport.

Some may claim that Mary simply makes such statements to stir the pot or get tennis talked about. This is essentially admitting Mary Carillo has sold her soul to make a dollar out of the sport who has made her who she is today. Fair trade, right? I think not, Mary. Quit making a mockery out of the sport who has given you the purse to pay your mortgage. Quit ripping on players who have accomplished things you can’t even dream about. Stop “stirring the pot” and trying to add persons to your already large hater list. You haven’t even won a TV commentator related award in like 20 years now. You’re pathetic, do the fans of tennis a favor and retire before you find a way to submerge below rock bottom. We got rid of Gimmelstob, and now it’s time to do away with you too.

BNP Paribas Open 2009 – the experience, what I learned, and why I can’t wait to return March 30, 2009

My last spring break as an undergraduate student couldn’t have been more exciting and memorable. My tennis family (mother, aunt) and I ventured to Indian Wells, CA to get up close and personal with the ATP and WTA’s finest. Oh, and yes, I say that knowing Serena and Venus reluctantly sat out yet again. 

We began our adventure the first Thursday of the tournament. Hoarding the practice courts, armed with my aunt’s new camera purchased from NASA, we began our quest for seeking out our favorite players. Like anyone else at the facility, we had high hopes for seeing our favorite players utilizing the fan friendly practice courts where you can literally see the sweat dripping off your favorite superstar. Personally, I hoped to catch Marat Safin and Roger the man himself Federer. I would eventually get both wishes, but in completely different ways. (to be explained…..) Some great shots were taken at these practice courts, and most of my memorable moments from the trip resided at the practice courts. Here’s a great shot of the eventual tournament champion, Rafael Nadal of Espana. Should you ever venture to this tournament, I highly recommend investing in a high quality camera and some decent sun screen.

Rafa Nadal warming up his serve

Before I dive a little deeper into my favorite stalker (or investigating, as I prefer to call it) stories, let’s talk about the things I was looking for when watching the pros serenade the courts. Most people would comment on how hard the pros hit the ball and the sound it makes coming off their strings. I remember my trip to the Pacific Life Open way back in 2003 (I think Lleyton Hewett was the #1 seed, and rode his T-Rex to the facility……..) and hearing the shotgun esque sounds of big hitters like Marat Safin strike the ball. I was so amazed at that time at how hard the pros could really crush the ball and keep it in. This time, however, was different. I wasn’t impressed with how hard, or how much spin the pros put on every single ball they hit. I wasn’t impressed with the booming, precise serves. The thing that stuck with me this year was movement. It is absolutely phenomenal how well the pros move on the court. I couldn’t keep track of how many split steps took place during points. It’s no wonder why we saw so many pros playing soccer on a nearby grass field to relax and reinforce simultaneously.

Del Potro kicking the good ol' soccer ball around to relax and keep his feet active

Everyone hears from their local pro “don’t forget your split step” when you’re at the net volleying. The split step is often the focal point of such lessons, being it’s damn near impossible to hit decent volleys without being as balanced as humanly possible. However, lost in translation, this seems to be the lone focus of the split step. Gone are the days of footwork drills from the baseline, requiring a split step between each shadow stroke. Why is this? Is it too basic that we have forgotten?  “Basic” or not, sound footwork and a plethora of split steps helped Andy Murray scramble, and ultimately save a ridiculous amount of points in the matches of his that I watched. Going back to the basics and improving footwork has undoubtedly rejuvenated American slugger Andy Roddick’s career. Andy is exciting to watch again, and he doesn’t have to rely on hitting forehand winners to compete with the best players in the world anymore. Sure, his serve is always a helper, but let’s get honest here…….How does a guy go from getting consistently owned by a guy named Novak Djokovic to making him look silly as of late? Movement. Andy’s new focus on fitness and footwork doesn’t only allow him to get to balls he wasn’t previously able to get to, but allows him to better set up for offensive shots instead of defensive. It helps him dictate points and stay in control.

Back to more of a leisure focus of the trip, we did in fact catch the Safinator on a practice court (in this instance I am referring to Marat, not Dinara, who can now draw an equal comparison to a Terminator as well….) While i was shocked and ecstatic to be able to hear one of my favorite players of all time converse with his hitting partner, my mother and aunt were busy plotting how to best get closest to Marat when his practice court time was up. Though they guessed wrong on his exit plans, that didn’t stop them. What ensued next will forever stick with me….My middle aged mother trudging through the crowd of countless females to touch Marat Safin was priceless. The best part of this story is that she did in fact make contact with Marat, sweat and all. I couldn’t help but laugh and salute to a job well done. Stalking or investigating? You be the judge 🙂 Either way the accomplished smile on my mother’s face was worth more than the $300 steak dinner that I’m about to discuss with you.

My aunt is no slouch when it comes to sharing her wealth. She works hard to play hard. I’m not sure a $300 dollar dinner for four is defined under playing hard, but for the sake of time and starting an entirely different blog topic, let’s all agree that it does! It was decided that on our last night at Indian Wells we would dine somewhere finer than Subway. Some lady sitting in front of us during one of the matches in the later afternoon eaves dropped (errr, I mean overheard) us discussing potential candidates for our special dinner. My aunt on her Iphone, me on my Blackberry, we began to utilize the phenomenon known as the internet for our search. Luckily for us, the previously mentioned over curious woman interjected with suggesting we dine at Ruth’s Chris Steak House. Apparently the Food Network won’t be contacting me for commentary anytime soon, as I was the only one who hadn’t heard of this glorious meat house. Despite constant attempts for discourse, my aunt insisted, and so it was decided. Luckily, the steak house wasn’t too far from the courts, because we were all pretty hungry after watching Roger take longer than he should have to expel some guy I can’t even remember.  

Upon arrival to Ruth’s Chris, I had to decide which $50 plate of food I thought would best be worth the experience. I eventually decided on some form of stuffed chicken, which for the record, was quite glorious. I also enjoyed the best gin and tonic I’ve ever had in my life, and that was with the well gin. My mother ventured into a couple top shelf martinis, which always taste filthy to me, but were quite good to her. At any rate, none of this matters. The $300 tab doesn’t matter. The countless jokes and conversations between me, my mom, aunt, and step-dad doesn’t matter. Sitting adjacent to Roger Federer is what matters in this story, my good friends.

Now, I am only 24 years old and don’t claim to have been faced with an ungodly amount of stress or mental torture, but I swear on my life I formed at least 3 more gray hairs in the next five minutes. We began to discuss how to treat this situation. My aunt is basically in love with Roger. If she had any mace that evening, I am fairly certain Mirka would have got a squirt or two to the eye while my aunt confessed her undying love and support for the Swiss Genius. At any rate, the sports fan inside of me took over. I regret to inform all of you I tried my best to explain why we should let him be, and at most, wish him the best of luck on our way out. Fortunately or unfortunately (I still have nightmares about this 5 minutes), that is the route we took. Why didn’t I ask him for a fast picture or signature? Why didn’t we buy him a drink? Why didn’t we ask our waiter to check if it was ok to say, “hello”? These questions haunt me to this very day. My favorite tennis player of all time, my aunt’s perennial idol, and undeniably the greatest to ever play the game sat right next to me and I couldn’t muster the courage to ask for a simple photograph. I tried to put myself in Roger’s shoes. He just won a long match and was trying to enjoy dinner with his unborn child’s mother and immediate family. Did he really want to deal with what he had to all day long at Indian Wells? Would one more inquiry kill him?  We said, “good luck, Roger!!” on our way out, and he acknowledged us with a forced smile and a nod. At first this saddened me, but I’m fairly certain he just wanted to keep his presence in the place low key. I really don’t think anyone else in the restaurant knew he was there. Hell, it took us the better part of an hour to realize he was sitting at the table next to us. He was well hidden at his table of ten or so. At any rate, I’ll never know whether or not he would have humored us for a quick picture.

The only bad thing about this vacation was knowing it was time to leave. To help cope, we began strategizing and discussing how we would do it the next year. Staying a few extra days was definitely at the top of the agenda, and closely behind was upgrading our seats in the stadium court. Though we got some terrific shots from the upper section, it would be nice to sit a bit closer. So the countdown for BNP Paribas Open 2010 begins……….As soon as the schedule of play is released, let me tell you who’s reserving a table at Ruth’s Chris about 40 mintues after Federer’s first round match 🙂