Spectral Observations

Never before have I been more disappointed after a summer of TERRIBLE movies! Typically, the summer and the term “blockbuster” are often seen together, and for good reason. This summer was monumental in the sense that NOTHING even close to monumental was produced on the big screen. District 9 was supposed to change all that for me. Endorsed by beloved Peter Jackson (director of the critically acclaimed Lord of the Rings trilogy), I suddenly had high expectations and became very excited to see this flick. No big name actors and an evidential, original theme began to perk my interests. Interests that would fade to dismay about 10 minutes or so into the film that is……..

The movie opens up with the innocuous display of an alien mother ship hovering over Johannesburg in Africa. You are slowly but surely introduced to District 9, the area directly below the mother ship, in which the aliens (scientific definition) are treated and living like aliens (political definition). How did they get to District 9, and why aren’t they still in their ship? Well, half of that question isn’t ENTIRELY answered (only eluded to, at best!), but I’ll go ahead and fill you in on the absolute of those two inquiries. Scientists and the MNU (a ficticious organization in the movie that resembles a United Nations, but filled entirely with morons) determine that it is best to go ahead and drill a hole in the innocuous, floating ship. This takes place after “x” amount of days of the ship just appearing in Johannesburg and lifelessly hovering. At any rate, they drill holes into the ship and find, much to their surprise, aliens!! Driven by research and determination to find answers relating to hostility and advanced weaponry, the humans begin to shuttle the aliens down to District 9.

Fairly soon after being introduced to the intriguing premise of this movie, you are introduced to the sorriest ass excuse for a main character I have ever seen. His name is Wikus, and though director Blomkamp probably thought he was creating a revolutionary character, and he unintentionally did, but the wrong kind! Wikus is a nice enough guy, and can’t seem to get over himself after the new promotion bestowed in him from his boss and father in law. Wikus was appointed to a new position that headed the recently approved mass exodus of the aliens from District 9 to District 10. The move is largely due to the people of Johannesburg pushing for alienation of the…..aliens J

It doesn’t take long for a legitimate lover of science fiction to utterly detest Wikus. He is spineless, witless, and would get his ass kicked in a fight with McLovin’. Honestly, there are no redeeming qualities in this guy. The MNU decides it’s in their best interest to have Wikus and his crew begin to serve notices of eviction to the aliens. This really throws me into a loop, and never really gets fully explained in the movie. However, what you do find out is that most of the aliens are too stupid to argue, and end up signaling (or signing if they’re smart enough) their human given name. It was at this part of the movie I felt I was watching an episode of COPS. Wikus berates all his alien residences, and feels it necessary to display his community college level (if that) education level of authority given to him. I felt a STRONG correlation of racism and the events taking place in the movie. At any rate, eventually Wikus attempts to serve an alien who is vastly smarter (at least in the perception of a human). This particular alien has been chemically altering/collecting various substances the last 20 years to help fuel a ship that he has hidden underground, under his trailer home in District 9. Upon doing a completely unnecessary search, Wikus comes across the metal casing that contains this substance. He spills some, and winds up accidently ingesting some as it sprayed all over his face.

Slowly, but surely….Wikus begins to mutate into one of the aliens. After MNU essentially betrays him and decides to cut him up for research (a punishment condoned by the boss/step father), Wikus escapes the suddenly-not-so-secure MNU compound in fear of his life. He becomes determined to find a cure so he can return to his wife who is anything but trust worthy, and secretly helping MNU recover Wikus for the imperative research. Wikus somehow, someway, makes his escape all the way back to District 9, where he is reconnected with Cristopher, the alien whom owned the spread he found the vial in. After scatter brained dialogue, Cristopher informs Wikus he can help cure him on the mothership, but that they need the rest of the fluid that MNU confiscated. After completely debunking the idea they could break into MNU and get it back (Wikus goes on and on about how stupid an idea that is because the security is so top notch, etc etc), Wikus grows frustrated and leaves rudely. Eventually, he comes to terms with the fact it’s his only chance, so the duo makes way for the MNU compound. Though seemingly impossible to infiltrate, they have a few tricks up their sleeves. Wikus is now developed enough that one of his arms is completely alien, which means his alien hand can utilize the alien guns, which are far superior to the human made ones. In fact, the alien weapons are SO much better/efficient, it’s the main reason behind MNU wanting to make an anatomy project out of Wikus. The MNU wants to find out the exact secret that lets aliens use their weapons but not humans.

10 or so minutes later, Wikus and Cristopher have the vial and are heading back to District 9. Yes, that’s right. After wasting 40+ minutes of the movie after Wikus decides it would be utterly impossible to penetrate MNU’s defenses, it only takes 10-15 mins for them to do it and get back safely to District 9. Here is where the plot really thickens……or at least attempts to. They get back to Cristopher’s haven, and he begins to explain that it will take him 3 years to cure Wikus because he must first travel to his home planet to get help for the millions of his comrades being mistreated and stranded here on earth. Pissed beyond all recognition and blowing his only opportunity to show some spine and make a man out of himself, Wikus grows uncontrollably scared (like the little pussy he is!) and winds up knocking out Cristopher. After he does this, I immediately thought, “wow…..how the hell is he going to fly the ship now?”, but before I had a few minutes to come up with my own answer, Wikus had already grabbed the controls, fueled the ship, and was ready to rock and roll. He shows a little bit of reservation and hesitation once the ship is air born, but prior to that, you get the notion that his alien DNA contained the skills used to pilot the ship. He gets shot down, and the main action sequences for this movie begin to ensue. Cristopher wakes up and quickly realizes his son was still on the ship with Wikus. Devoted to being a model dad, Cristopher loses all recognition for his own life and risks it all to save his son and find the ship. He meets back up with Wikus during a crossfire, and only after Wikus’ back gets pushed to a wall does he finally agree to help Cristopher. In control of some alien weaponry, Wikus serves as a distraction for Cristopher, but before he can totally redeem himself, makes note that Cristopher needs to hurry before Wikus changes his mind. This is a typical self-sacrifice that we see in a lot of movies, but this time it was different because you know Wikus actually meant that when he said it. Most times when we are faced with this cinematic scenario it’s to shield the ego of the character making the sacrifice. At any rate, Wikus holds off long enough to let Cristopher escape, but before he does, he STILL promises Wikus to return in three years and help him.

In closing, save your money with this one, and wait for it to debut on Netflix. I have never been more pissed at how a potentially awesome movie could be ruined. The humans and aliens never speak the other races language, but they communicate quite fluidly. For example, an alien could speak to Wikus in alien, Wikus could then in turn respond in English, and both parties had a fairly good understanding of each other. Some aliens were clearly better than others, which begs the question, what sort of program was installed to help communication between the humans and aliens? If Wikus and Cristopher were able to acquire (through a faulty transaction with a boss mob) alien weapons and drastically alter the MNU perception of security, why wouldn’t all the aliens save up their caps to buy guns from the pirates at District 9 and reclaim their dignity? Well, the movie actually does a fairly good job of explaining how naturally peaceful the aliens are, but come on now……If they invented weapons, they at least meant for them to be used in extreme circumstances. Circumstances such as being extracted from your ship, forced to live in slums not suited for millionaires, then relocated to an even shittier living situation might require some push and shove. Who’s to say, though, that’s just my idea. Why did the all powerful MNU allow pirate scrubs to run illegal activities in District 9 with the aliens? Why didn’t the scientists explore the ship after they drilled a hole and “rescued” the aliens? Or, if they did explore it, what did they find, other than weapons? In fact, how the hell did they come up with the initial idea that they could just expect these aliens to bend over and take it like a former husband of a praying mantis? Why did that lightning looking from the mothership spawn a mech-warrior thingie? Why did that lightning only make ONE mech-warrior thingie? District 9 opens the door to an endless possibility of intriguing story developments, but either cuts them off out of left field or completely ignores them as the film progresses.  Rather than answer or explore any of their plethora of intriguing story/plot developments, they simply push them aside and CREATE NEW ONES…..I saw a better film depicting distant, faux like realities earlier this summer. Though not as good as critically acclaimed Terminator 2, Terminator Salvation beats District 9 at nearly everything. Yes, that’s even with Christian Bale’s batman voice screening over to John Conner in a super predictable plot/outcome movie.

a little piece of me dies everytime I see this logo

The digital revolution has brought about many, many changes within our world. First, it was the extinction of manuscript letter writing and forever changed the ways of communication. Phone calls are also undoubtedly less common this day and age. Even your bills/bank statements are being handled online, electronically (well,  if you’re environmentally responsible and efficient they are!). It seems the last few years have begun the next biggest shift in modern communication. Email, which once eclipsed modern mail as we know it is beginning to take the back seat to social networking sites. Facebook and Myspace lead the pack in changing the way that people not only connect with current friends, but reconnect with friends of the old. Personally, I’m a Facebook type of guy. Simple enough, but has plenty of capability, and less spam/teeny boppers asking to be my friend. I can log on, check out what’s new with my friends, and share a couple funny links I have found throughout the day. I probably check my Facebook 10-15 times a day, and probably more than that if I’m at work and bored. My Blackberry makes sure to inform me anytime someone writes me on Facebook. I have a Myspace account too, but seldom use it. I pretty much only have it to keep in touch with my sister. My sister is a diehard Myspace addict and can’t deal with the hardships of not being able to customize a Facebook page with things like a Hello Kitty dressed up as a Stormtrooper. Ok, bad example, that’s actually pretty damn funny. However, most customizations of Myspace pages tend to down right annoy/piss me off! You’re not hardcore, you’re not a unique and individual little snowflake, and nobody cares that you are on your quest to “find yourself” or something else equally lame to being unemployed, uneducated, and socially worthless. To me, there is an obvious generation gap with these social networking sites. Myspace definitely seems the haven for 12-18 year olds,while  Facebook seems to dominate 18+. Both can be great tools if used properly for social networking, but both can tend to drive one insane and give new insights to “friends”.

Enter Twitter. What are you doing? A catchy little motto that grabs the attention of self consumed mongoloids who honestly think the rest of the social networking world give a shit about what they’re doing every time they take a few seconds to type one line and enlighten us. Tweet Tweet!! Alison is trying the new Herbal Essence! OK, OK….. Perhaps I’m being a little too harsh at ones enthusiasm for taking a shower and using some new shampoo (this is also a hypothetical situation, but those of you who “tweet” know this is entirely realistic, sadly). Actually, NO, I’m NOT! What good comes from this? Do I get to see a quick synopsis of how the new Herbal Essence was in the shower? Lots of bubbles, hardly any bubbles? Smell good, smell bad? Invigorating and refreshing feeling all around after using? It’s better than $1 Suave Ocean Breeze because……? No, I DON’T!!!! Let’s pretend I was actually interested in Alison’s endeavour with the Herbal Essence. I anxiously await her next Tweet, only to find out that I won’t be receiving convincing evidence that this new Herbal Essence is actually worth Tweeting about, but rather that she is now eating Captain Crunch reading the Newspaper!

Twitter, Facebook, and Myspace is a breeding ground for a few different classifications of annoying people, whom if it were up to me, would be digitally purged one by one. Joined by the common belief that they are all incredibly interesting and that everyone on their friend list can’t wait to see their newest link, quote, or status update, they have unknowingly looked foolish and silly. Well, at least to me. Let’s take a look as to why. 

Type A) The Narcissist: The vane absolutely love Twitter, or any social networking sites for that matter. They honestly believe their constant updates (likely exceeding 10 times a day) are not only interesting, but world changing. People better themselves if they are keeping up with the Narcissists tweets and status updates on social networking sites. This is undoubtedly silly, but the funniest part of this is it’s actually true. The Narcissist has some sort of learning disability that I think is currently unclassified. They struggle with relevant issues, and often have to make things up that sound good, but are completely bogus. This often works because the large consensus of people don’t know what’s going on with the world anyhow, and sheep syndrome sinks in. Some loud mouth with a social networking profile starts a fire of horse shit that quickly travels and somehow strengthens. Disagree with the narcissist and you face virtual expulsion. Actually, forget about disagreeing, simply THINK different from the narcissist, and you risk being called names such as “idiot”, “moron” or a myriad of other cool cut downs the narcissist probably had to Google to come up with. Narcissists often post quotes from songs (generally terrible ones at that) to express themselves, or something like that. Somehow, someway, these posts get responses. Don’t ask me how.

Type B) The Creeper: Anyone with any sort of social networking site has had an experience with The Creeper. My aunt, God bless her heart, recently joined the ranks of Facebook. Naturally, I add her, and we begin to joke back and forth much like I do with all of my other friends. One day she texts me about some dude that apparently tried to add her as a friend, but she has no idea who he is. She’s taken back and absolutely can’t believe this is happening!!! Who does that? Well, The Creeper does, and those of us that consider ourselves veterans of social networking aren’t the least bit surprised. This particular situation is an example of a hybrid of Type B) and Type C), which I’ll get to momentarily. The Creeper doesn’t have any REAL social skills, so it must rely on clever use of virtual stalking (or as one of my friends prefers to call it, “investigating”, sigh!) to catch certain perks of interest to start a conversation. The Creeper will randomly send private messages with off the wall, and often lude comments that they would NEVER say in a face to face conversation. That’s the sure fire way to know someone is The Creeper. Things said exclusively online but never in person are a great, exclusive trait of The Creeper. If only the narcissist would adopt that trait……… The Creeper can also be found leaving public messages that should generally be private. I’m talking serious stuff here. Break ups, deaths, and otherwise serious depressing stuff that should be left to private messages are generally exposed in an attempt to gather undying love and attention. I feel for these people, but enough to leave them a comment letting them know they’re my favorite person in the world and it will all be ok. If I did leave a comment, it would probably be overlooked. Why call your mother, spouse, or best friend when you can let the whole world know of your “misery” and receive countless amounts of seemingly worthless bouts of inspiration and comments from your friends and digital acquaintances. Advice from people you see in person three to four times a year somehow reigns supreme to The Creeper. 

Type C) Everybody’s “Friend”: This guy boasts the largest friend list you have ever seen. Awed and perhaps jealous at first, you begin to think how many of his “friends” are actually friends. Call me silly and outdated, but I don’t throw the term friend around to every human being I have a class with or come across. Bottom line is, Facebook and Myspace don’t have an “acquaintance” tab, or at least not that I know of. This however confuses Type C), as it spends a good portion of the day adding (mostly by semi-random selection of people who live within a 30 mile radius) people to their ranks. 

Type D) All of the Above: Need I say more!?

These people are destroying social networking. This incredible tool has so many positive uses, it’s depressing to see these types of people trying to exploit the true purpose behind social networking. Communication and, well, networking! Networking is such an invaluable tool to have at your fingertips. I can’t tell you how many times Facebook has saved my ass academically. Struck with the genetic (my mother is so forgetful/delusional it’s embarrassing at times) disorder of extreme forgetfulness, I have to write everything down that I need to do scholastically. Sometimes, on the rare day that I’m bored out of my mind in class, I get lazy like anyone else and just use acronyms or shortcuts to write down assignments. When it comes time to decipher this message and do the actual assignment, I’m dumbfounded and confused. A quick login to Facebook to message one of my classmates generally cures this. 

Unemployed? Surf your good friends Facebook pages and check out what they have listed for their current employment. Ask a bro to hook it up. In fact, just be attentive to your friends’ status updates and you might just see a direct link to apply for one! Need a new car? Roommate? Xbox360? I could go on and on of the incredible benefits to social networking.

Haven’t started social networking yet? Don’t worry, it’s NOT TOO LATE. Don’t feel like you’re too old, or anything else similarly ridiculous. Truth is, I guarantee you’ll be surprised to find how many of your old friends you can reconnect with. Just be careful of the people listed above, they do exist, and sadly, in mass quantities! Share your thoughts with others, reflect on thoughts from others, and above all….Have fun! Social networking can be very fun and entertaining, and even make someone’s day. On the 8th day, Al Gore created the internetz. Go forth and network, but be safe and mindful!

**disclaimer – this post is entirely opinionated based on observations and thoughts from the author. if you are reading this and are offended, please don’t digitally, or vitally purge yourself as previously suggested. however, please go outside and get some sunshine, something tells me you need it.

been super, super busy with school and work this semester. full time school and full time work (not including practicum hours) is draining me away. however, that is no excuse to not write, so you can count on that changing. my website will GNTEE be done and running come spring break. thank you jesus, for all of your glory.